WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?

Domestic Abuse can take several forms. It may be:

PHYSICAL ABUSE: slapping, kicking, punching, denying sleep, biting, shoving, starving, imprisonment

SEXUAL ABUSE: rape, sexual assault, forced sex, sexual insults, mimic or participate in pornography
 
ECONOMIC ABUSE: not being given access to money, forced to give up your job

EMOTIONAL ABUSE: being put down, called names, intimidated, isolation, cutting up of clothes
 
HARASSMENT: being followed, unwanted letters/telephone calls/texts/e-mails, threats 

THESE ARE ONLY EXAMPLES

Each woman's experience is unique. Some of the ways women react to domestic abuse include:

It's my fault
I should be coping better
I'm stupid
Why don't I leave?
Why do I still love him or her?
I'm a bad mother if I let my children abuse me
I'm too ashamed to tell anyone
It can feel like you are the only one this is happening to and that other women cope much better than you. Once you seek help you'll find that you are not alone.

Does your partner:

Feelings and behaviours you may experience can include: 
 

Why to women stay in or return to abusive relationships?

POWER:

Fear of Partner.  Women are often terrified of being found by their abusers.  Experience shows this fear to be justified - men will go to extraordinary lengths to trace women.

Fear of Living Alone.  She may have been kept in isolation, have no friends, have been denied contact with her family.  She may have been totally controlled and does not know how to cope alone.

Lack of self-respect/confidence.  She may have come to believe all the names she has been called and therefore feels worthless.

Guilt.  She may have been told that it is her own fault, that she provoked him and that therefore she gets what she deserves.

Drugs/Alcohol.  Either of these can be used as a control.

PRACTICAL DIFFICULTIES:

Money.  She may have no money and no idea that she is entitled to benefits.

Accommodation.  Where will she go?  Even if she knows her way around the 'system', the prospect of moving to a refuge or B&B can be daunting.

Possessions.  She may have to leave absolutely everything behind in the knowledge that she is unlikely to see any of it again.

Children.  She may feel guilty about uprooting her children from school, friends, family, pets and their father with whom they might have a good relationship.  She may also fear that they will be taken away from her is she discloses domestic abuse.

Skills.  If she has been controlled, given no money, clothes or social contacts or more generally no access to the public world, she may not KNOW how to leave.

EMOTIONS:

Love.  It is perfectly possible to love someone but hate what they do.  She may want the abuse to stop but not the relationship.

Hope.  Women are often optimistic and want to believe the man when he says he won't do it again.

 

The Effects on Children of Domestic Abuse

Variables that need to be taken into account when investigating the effect on children of domestic abuse include:
 

Feelings that may be reported by children include:
 

As a result of living with or witnessing domestic abuse, children or young people may:

These indicators are not conclusive evidence that a child is affected by domestic abuse, but the presence of one or more should alert workers to the possibility that domestic abuse may be at the root of the behaviour.